A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I must have left my baby on the bus!"

"No," the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing."

"But what if I double your fee?" he pleaded.

"Nope, sorry. Won't do it."

"How about I give you five times what you normally get?"

"Oh, okay then," said the artist, "but I'm keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"

"The jerk called back!"

She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, now she's angry!

She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"

"Shut up," she says, "You're next."

Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"

The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.'

'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.

'I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. 'When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, played with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before meeting her dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early to suprise her husband. But when she got to the bedroom, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside. Slowly and quietly she cracked open the door, and was mortified to see her boss in bed with her husband!

Gently she closed the door, and crept out of the house.

The next day the brunette and the redhead planned on leaving early again and asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"NO WAY," the blonde exclaimed, " I ALMOST GOT CAUGHT YESTERDAY!!!"

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Miss... Could I see your driver's license?"

"What's a license?" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet" replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration... What's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you have to do..." Said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What? I can't do that. It's inappropriate!" exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me... Just do it..." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs "Oh no... Not ANOTHER breathalyzer!"

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

"No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

MONDAY
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

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A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

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Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

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There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

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There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

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A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to her and said, "It's idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ass!"

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Three women are sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test results. The Brunette says, "If I'm pregnant it will be a girl because I was on the bottom." The red head replies,"If I'm pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top." The Blonde stops, thinks a minute and and says, "Then I'm gonna have puppies !"

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A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

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What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo...
A blonde says any-cock-le-doo...

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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

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A blonde, brunette and redhead woman decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and a drink she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I'm pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.

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A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."

Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

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Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. the first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

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There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies, "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding". The officer goes and kicks the one with the brunet in it and she yells, "MEEEYYOWW!" the officer said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there." So he kicks the one with the other brunet in it and she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!" Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells, "POTATOES!"

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There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well then I'll go at night."

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A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the Blonde woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she must move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Also confused, they go get the captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The blonde starts to say, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I whisper something in your ear?" "Sure" she replies and he proceeds to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly she gets up and goes back to coach seating with a look of surprise on her face. The flight attendants are startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her that first class wasn't going to L.A."

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A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."

She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"

The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."

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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.

"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued, "and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.

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A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

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A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

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A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying "You've Got Mail."

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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies...................... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" Finally, a smart blonde.

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There was a married blonde who was very concerned about her stupidity to her husband, so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he's at work.

When her husband came home, the house was suspiciously green and smelled like paint, so he went to her wife to see what's going on. When he went in the bedroom, she was still painting while she was wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket. The husband said "I like what you did to the house, but why are you wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket?" The blonde responds "When I was reading the instructions on the can, it said 'FOR BEST RESULTS, USE TWO COATS!'"

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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head that was going on vacation to a native island. The brunette brought a portable fridge with her. The red-head asked her "Why are you carrying a fridge with you?" The brunette replies "To keep all of our food in." The red-head is carrying a shotgun with her. The brunette asks "Why do you have that shotgun?" The red-head says "Just in case we run out of food, we can kill something to eat." The blonde is carrying their car door with her. They both ask the blonde "Why are you carrying our car door?" The blonde says "Just in case it gets too hot, I can roll the window down."

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As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

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Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

There is a blonde a red head and a burnett in a burning building the firemen are holding a blanket and tell the redhead to jump she jumps and they move it and she dies. then they tell the burnett to jump she says, "Im not stupid you'll move", so they agreed not to, so she jumped they moved it and she dies. the blonde says just lay it down and walk away!

A blonde was walking her dogs and a brunette came up to her and said "What are your dogs names?" Then the Blonde replied "Timex and Rolex" "Why?" repeated the Brunette, the blonde said i was told they were watch dogs

This blond was eating tuna and the can said Chicken of The Sea and she wondered if she was eating chicken or tuna because it said chicken of the sea and she asked if it was stupid

One day a blonde was swerving between tow lanes. Eventually, a cop pulled her over and said, "Why are you swerving? It could be really dangerous!" She replies, "Well wichever lane I drive into there is a tree in my way!" He says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener"

One day a blonde decided to go horseback riding. She had never gone horseback riding before, but once she got on the horse she realized she was doing pretty well. After awhile she got bored and decided to go faster. Then she saw she was slipping off the horse. Underneath the horse, she was holding on for dear life, or she would get tramppled. After awhile Bob the Wal-mart manager unplugs the horse and says, "Can I help you?"

Three girls were stranded on a tropical island. The god of the island said the only way that they could survive without him killing them was if one of them could manage to stick 10 fruits up their butts without making a face. The first girl was a red head and came back with apples. She managed to get three up her butt before she made a face. So the god killed her. The brown head came back with grapes. She got nine up her butt before she started laughing. So the god killed her too. Up in heaven, the red head asked the brown head why she started laughing. She said, "I saw the bolnde coming back with pinapples!"

3 teenage girls were going sky diving one was a redhead, brunett, and the last was a blonde.
Well the RED HEAD went first into the sky and when she got low anough she let out her parashute,
well then the BRUNETT jumped and then when she got low anough she also let her parashute out, well then the BLONDE jumps out and she does not let out her parachute and when she hits the ground and the rescue people asked her why she did not let her parashute out, SHE told them that the pad people lied because they said maxie pads have WINGS!!

a blonde walks into a electronics store and ask the store owner how much for the tv, the man replies i cant sell that 2 you because your blonde.
she comes back the next day with her hair died brown and says how much for the tv the man says sorry i cant sell that 2 you cuz your blonde.
the next day she comes back with all her hair shaved off and says how much for the tv the man says your blonde aren't you she says how the hell do u no ,well its a microwave not a tv

Q: Why didn't the blonde cross the road?
A: Because she didn't want it to get mad at her!

What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
the harder u slam them the looser they get

How do you drown a blonde?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.

How did the blone drown?
There was a mirrow at the bottom of the pool.

Why was the blonde's coffin shaped in a triangle?
When she hit the ground, her legs split!

I invited one of my best friends over. Her name was Susie and she was a blonde. When she walked into my house she ran right over to the fish tank and put her hand into the water. I said, " Susie what on earth are you doing?" And she replied, " I am trying to drown this dang fish."

what did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnet?
I wonder if its mine

What did the blonde say when she opened the box of cheerios?
Look Daddy doughnut seeds

A blonde a burnette and a red head was straded on a desert island. One day they were walking along ad they saw a fish they hadn't had any food for days but they decided to put it back in the water. The next day they walked by that same pond and saw that same fish and they didn't know it was a magical fish and it said," Since you were so nice to me i have decided to grant you each one wish". So the burnette went fisrt and said," I miss my family I want to go back home" so she reappered back home. Then it was the red heads turn and she said," I miss my family to I want to go back also" So she reappered back at home. Then it was the blondes turn and she said," I miss my friends I want them to come back with me on this island" so the burnette and the red head reappered back on the island.

there were these 3 wemon they were standed on a desert island one black haired, one brown haired, and one blond the black haired woman says i bet it is 20 miles to civilization so she starts swimming and gets there and the brown haired woman starts swmming and gets there then the blond swims 19 miles and the turns around and comes back to the island 1 week later the 2 girls get worried and send out a serch crew and they find her on the island and ask her why she didnt swim and she says i swam 19 miles and got tired so i came back to rest and i kept trying but i kept coming back on 19.

How do you know that a girl is a natural blonde?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side!

How do you break a blondes nose??
Put a dildo under a glass table

A blonde and a brunet were on top of the building,they both jumped off.Who hit the ground first?

The brunet did.The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Q:How many blond jokes are there?
A:One- the rest are true.

There were these 3 blondes and they decide to take a vacation to Disney Land. Well, they've been driving for a while and almost are about to give up because it's taking forever. They come to a sign that says "Disney Land" left so they sighed and turned around and went back home!

Once there was a Brunette and she was jumping from railroad tie to
railroad tie saying the number

"21..... 21..... 21..... 21..... 21...."

Well, she passes by a blonde and the blonde was wondering why she was doing this, but she decided to join her anyway. So they were both jumpin' along saying

"21..... 21..... 21......"

All of a sudden the Brunette jumped off the track and a train passed by. Then she jumped back on the track starting to jump again saying

"...22..... 22..... 22..... 22..... 22......"

ICE FISHING

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed,

"There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly-tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again,

"There are no fish under the ice!" Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

JIGSAW PUZZLE

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started". Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger". "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

51 DAYS!

A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"

One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

how do you make a one arm blonde women fall out a tree answer:
wave at her

A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut.
When the beautician approached the chair where the blonde was waiting,
she noticed that she was wearing a walkman.
The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth.
She asked the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair."
The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it."

The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting.
A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde,
"I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing
that walkman. Please take it off."
The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it, cut around it please."
The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough.

The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the
walkman off the blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze,
then fell out off the chair and on to the floor.
The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover she was stone dead.
All were stunned!
The beautician lifted the earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the blonde.

In a soft but commanding voice she heard,

Breathe in..........
Breathe out............
Breathe in..........
Breathe out............
Breathe in..........
Breathe out............

2 blondes are walkin down the street and the dumb one sees a mirror and picks it up. she looks in it and says, "ive like seen this picture before. yeah. I just cant member where. the other blonde picks up the mirror, looks at it and says, "pshh thats easy dummy. I know who that is. ITS ME DUH!!

A blond walks past a group of 3 men in the office who are all bemoaning the fact that they are about to be audited during the coming month.
Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm Screwed"
"I'm screwed, too!" say the other guy, slapping his forehead.
"Guys I'm about to be F*cked beyond recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish.
Just then , one of the guys notice the blond who has been standing there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face.
"are you ok?" asks the guy.
"Yes" replies the blond, "but I was wondering: how do I go about getting audited?"

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