Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate,
the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into
the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the
back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all
those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me
how to drive," said the beaming boy to his ol' man.
"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back
of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me for
sixteen years."
Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started
the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My
dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast
ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after
it crosses the plate!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot
an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up
to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!"
The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to being
faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even
though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"
A guy goes to his girlfriends's house for the first time,
and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get a couple
of glasses of wine, and as he's standing there alone, he
notices a small vase on the mantel.
He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back
in. He says "What's this?" She says,
"Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez... oooh....I...
" She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
One night a man walked past his sons bed room and heard the little
boy praying. Now this was very unusual so the man stopped to listen."God
Bless Mamma , Daddy , Grandma and tata Grandpa" said the little boy. The
man then went to bed. the next day the Grandpa was dead on the floor the
man thought it was weird but did not say anything.The next night the man
listened again the little boy said "God Bless Mamma , Daddy , and TaTa Grandma."
The next day Sure enough they found Grandma Dead too. so the man listened
once again "God Bless Mamma and TaTa Daddy." Now the man was scared he did
not sleep at all that night and skipped work and went to the doctor before
daylight the next morning.he explained everything to the Doctor.The Doctor
discovered nothing wrong With him . Then the man rushed home and before
he could say anything his wife answered "HUNNY, i am so glad you are home
this morning we found the milk man dead on the front steps.!"
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to
use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot
in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The
outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy
determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the
creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little
boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the
creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the
outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after
supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.
The dad replied, "someone pushed the outhouse into the creek
today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he
thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that
George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into
trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "well, son,
George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree!"
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the
Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the
women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how
to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't
hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the
group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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