Doctor Jokes

There was a woman who went for a check up... She said "doc I need some help, I can't get rid of this smell, what can you do for me?" The doc went in and examined her and said I could not find anything wrong. The doctor call the nurse my patient has an odor problem and we are trying to find out the cause of the problem. The nurse went into the room and asked the patient to remove her clothes, every thing looks normal. The nurse took a closer look, lifted up her breast and found a rotted old peanut butter sandwich.
The patient replied, Oh that where I put it.

A new young MD was starting his residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology. He was somewhat embarrassed performing pelvic exams and had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly to cover his embarrassment.

The young lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him.

He snapped "just what is so funny?"

She replied, "I'm sorry doctor, but the song you were whistling was "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner."

A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"

"On my balls."

"It's just a cold," the doctor said. "There is no cure, and you'll just have to live with it until it goes away."

"But Doctor," the patient whined, "it's making me so miserable."

The doctor rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Then he said, "Look, go home and take a hot bath. Then put a bathing suit on and run around the block three or four times."

"What!" the patient exclaimed. "I'll get pneumonia!"

"We have a cure for pneumonia," the doctor said.

A woman goes to the doctor's office. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your opinion on."
"Could you describe the symptoms to me ?" he asked.
"Well, it's easier if I show you," she said and, standing up, proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green circles on her inner thighs. "They don't hurt or anything, but I was a little worried about them."
The doctor peered closely at the two circles and said, "Are you a lesbian, by any chance ?" he asked.
Embarrassed and slightly non-plussed at this question coming from a man with his head between her thighs she replied "Well, yes, I am actually. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to tell your girlfriend that her earrings aren't real gold."

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

The next day the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, and then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth; first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeez'n it between her knees, but still nothing.

A guy goes to see his doctor to get his test results. "Well Mr Jones, I have some good news & some bad news for you. The good news is that you have only 24hrs to live. "Thats good news?" wails Jones, "What the fuck is the bad news?" The Doctor gives a sheepish grin and says, "I should have told you yesterday!!!"

Psychology was tried on a difficult hiccough case. All simple remedies had failed and the physician, knowing that his patient was an old tightwad, resorted to a stratagem. He administered a new, inexpensive medicine which drew from the patient an inquiry as to its contents. "Chiefly musk," said the doctor.

"But isn't that the expensive stuff they use in perfumes?"

"Yes," said the doctor. "Each dose of this costs thirty dollars." The hiccoughs immediately stopped.