I man walks into a bar and orders club soda. "Club Soda?" asks the bartender. The man proclaims "After last night, I'm never drinking again". The bartender cries out "you're one of my best customers! How can you swear off alcohol?" Last night I had to much to drink, and went home and blew chunks" says the man. The bartender explains "Everybody overdoes it a little now and then. The hangover wears off and you'll feel fine before you know it". The man say "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog"!

Johnny was going off to college. Before he left his dad wanted to have a talk with him. "Son, before you head off to college I'd like you to have the old Dodge truck. It's been a good running truck and will get you around." Johnny says "Gee, thanks Dad." Dad continues, "and Son, Why don't you take Old Blue. He's been a good dog, he'll keep you company at college." Johnny thanks his Dad again and heads off to college in the Dodge truck and Old Blue by his side. While at college Johnny knocks up a girl and trys to think of a way to get some money. So he calls home. "Hey Dad!"

"Johnny, how's the truck running?"
"Good Dad, Good."
"How's Old Blue?"
"He's Good, but the Professor here says for $400 he can teach old blue to talk."
"Oh, Money's in the mail, Son." "Thanks Dad." So Johnny gets the girl an abortion. And everything goes good for awhile then he knocks another girl up. It worked once so he calls home again. "Hey Dad."

"Johnny, How's the Old Dodge running?"
"Good, Dad Good."
"How's Old Blue?"
"He's good, talking up a storm, but the Professor says he can teach Old Blue to read." "Oh, Money's in the mail" "Thanks Dad." So again Johnny takes the girl and gets an abortion. After Graduation Johnny heads for home and he gets about 10 miles from his house and looks over at Blue. "God, what am I gonna do. Here's Blue, he can't talk, he can't read. He's dumber than a box of rocks." So Johnny took Blue out in the woods and shot him. When Johnny walks in the door his Dad meets him. "Johnny, How's that truck running?"

"Good Dad, Good."
"How's Old Blue?"
"Well, about Old Blue," Johnny wispers, "I was driving here and Blue was reading his favorite paper, and he looked over at me and asked. "So do you think Dad is still screwing the neighbor girl?"" Dad looking astonished says,"OOOhhh, I hope you took him out and shot em."

A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts. Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. 'That ought to be obvious,' he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. 'The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!'

One day the Arkansas county sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots.

The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

Billy-Bob replies "Well, Sheriff, me and MaryLou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin.' MaryLou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we stated a kissing and a-cuddlin' some more and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, then MaryLou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. So, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then MaryLou lay herself on the hay and said 'Okay Billy-Bob, lets go to town!'... I guess I'm the first one here!"