What has 321 legs and eight teeth?
The front row of a garth brooks concert

What does a red-neck consider high-quality entertainment?
A six pack and a bug zapper.

yall know that you are a red neck if the "4 wheeler" is the family car.

You family's so poor, when your friend stepped on the skateboard, you mom yelled at him for stepping on the family car

you might be a red neck if you park your boat on the porch

if you think a quarterback is a refund you might be a red neck

You might be a red neck if you have 20 cars setting on your land and the only thing mobile is your house.

You just might be a redneck if you have a working T.V. sitting on top of one that doesn't work

You might be a red neck if you give catfish bait out on halloween

You know you girl frineds a redneck when you ask her for a dance and she takes off her clothes and jumps on the table

You know you are a red neck if your porch colapses and kills more than THREE dogs.

Dodging Traffic
One time there was a white man black man and a polock on top of this real tall building and they decided to measure their cocks so the white man said well mine goes down about two stories black man said well mine goes down about one so they asked the polock about him and he said im dodging traffic.

What is a redneck virgin?
A seven year old who can run faster than her 2 brothers

A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, so they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again.

He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind terribly taking the dog for a walk?"

How do you circumsize a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.

You might be a redneck if you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 m.p.h

Dear Billy Joe Bob,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Your favorite Aunt

You might be a red neck! if your dog passes gas and you take the blame for it.

Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed way and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it she's 14.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married? There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call rerun of "Hee Haw" in Alabama? Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented? West Virginia: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver,"Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas S A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies, basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When he looked closer, he realized that they were all stark naked. He went to the door and rang the bell. When the director answered the door, the man asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies laying in the sun on the front lawn. The director said, "Yes," and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale.

Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisanna, Boudreaux old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and thedoctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Boudreaux and said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You just had you a son!" Aint dat grand!! Boudreaux got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You got you a daughter!" She a pretty lil tang, too.... Boudreaux got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Boudreaux, you just had youself another boy! When Boudreaux and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-l Oil?" She said, "Yeah, I do." Boudreaux said, "Man, it's a damn good tang we didn't use no WD-40!

A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here. Where you from, boy?" The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania." The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Pennsylvania?" The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? What the hell is a taxidermist?" The guy says, "I mount dead animals." The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"