Vikings Quiz

Q. What's the difference between the MN Vikings and the Taliban?
A. The Taliban has a running game.

Q. What do the MN Vikings & Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 40,000 people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ!"

Q. How do you keep a MN Viking out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts.

Q. Where do you go in MN in case of a tornado?
A. To the Metrodome - they'll never have a touchdown there.

Q. What do you call a MN Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.

Q. Why was Denny Green upset when the MN Vikings play book was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Q. What's the difference between the MN Vikings and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q. How many MN Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q. What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The MN Vikings.

Q. What do the MN Vikings and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road

Q. How can you tell when the MN Vikings are going to run the football?
A. The halfback leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

Number 3 guy says " Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I whispered in my wife's ear and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'take a sweater'."

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''

And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!''
And they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''

SUPERBOWL

Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"

The man replied, "No."

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!"

The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"That's really sad," said Bob. "But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replied. "They're all at the funeral."

Wisconsin Temperature Conversion Chart

60 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Wisconsin people sunbathe.

50 above
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Wisconsin people plant gardens.

40 above
Italian cars won't start.
Wisconsin people drive with the windows down.

32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Wisconsin people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 above
New York landlords finally turn on the heat.
Wisconsin people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 -
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Wisconsin people lick a flagpole.

20 below
People in Miami cease to exist.
Wisconsin people get out their winter coats.

40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
Wisconsin's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Wisconsin's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
Wisconsin people rent some videos.

100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsin people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 below
Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Wisconsin cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below
ALL atomic motion stops.
Wisconsin people start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl.

A pretty terrible golfer was playing a round of golf for which he had hired a caddie. The round proved to be somewhat tortuous for the caddie to watch and he was getting a bit exasperated by the poor play of his employer. At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green and the as the golfer sized up his situation, he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" The caddie replied, "Eventually."

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. After he was able to speak again the pro finally said, "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." "Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music. The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0 Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance. The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: United States 5.9: Ireland 6.0 Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess. The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0: Ireland 6.0 The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How the heck can you give that mess 6.0?!" To which the Irish judge replies "You've got to remember, it's darn slippery out there.

Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says, " You know, my son, he graduated fist in his class from Yale. He's now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Los Angeles." The second woman says, "You know my son, he graduated first in his class from Harvard. he's now a lawyer, making half a million dollars a year and he lives in Boston." The last woman says, "You know my son, he never did too well is school. He never went to any university but he now makes one million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman." The other two women ask "What is a sports repairman?" The woman then replies, "He fixes games... you know, hockey games, football games, baseball games...."